23 October 2006

Taking a Walk on an Autumn Day

I just returned from a walk with my dog, Phoebe. It is a gorgeous fall day here in the lower Hudson River Valley, although I didn't think so when I walked out my door. I complained, or my mind did, that I had gotten out too late. The sun was being blocked by clouds and the wind was blowing. But Phoebe needed her walk and so into the car we went.

Weighed down by not appreciating life...
As we drove to the trail, which is 26 miles of bicycle trails through woodlands, I began to think of an email discussion I am having with my spiritual mentor, Ronda. I have been realizing that I don't appreciate life. I am always so busy. Do what, I'm not exactly sure, but it all seems very important in the moment. And the moment seems overwhelmed by all this important stuff I am doing... even the joy of creating often gets lost to the busyness of this doing of mine.

And then there's the Energizer Bunny in me....

On my creativity workshop held several weekends ago in Pennsylvania, we were working on identifying the parts of our personas that keep us from our deeper, truer self. And I realized I had an Energizer Bunny running me. In fact, I sometimes feel as if I am the Energizer Bunny, pushing ahead across the landscape, not looking left or right, never stopping to notice the flowers much less smell them.

This isn't true in actuality. I am on a path toward inner peace and finding my true center. It is the calling of my soul and I am hearing its song more and more often. But sometimes, it seems, I can only hear the "Go go go!" of the Energizer Bunny.

And so, as I drove to the trail with Phoebe, I reminded myself to remember the walk is for me as much as Phoebe. I need it for my soul. I needed it to find peace.

Suddenly I stopped and remembered....
As we began our walk, however, my Energizer Bunny mind took over and I started thinking about all I had to do that I hadn't done, and started making plans. Until suddenly I stopped and remembered to remember why I had come on this walk. And it wasn't only for Phoebe.

Remember to remember is a phrase and a knowing that I have received from working with my mentor, Rhonda La Rue, and it has become a mantra of sorts -- when I do remember to remember.

Shut the eyes of my mind and open to the sight of eternity...
I began to look around me at the splendor of the scene. Which suddenly had become splendor that made my heart beat faster. The sky, half blue, half gray seemed no longer ominous. The color of the leaves nestled against the reservoir were in their fading glory. I said to my soul, please let me see this walk through your eyes. Let me shut the eyes of my mind and open to the sight of eternity.

Did I succeed? Well, not every moment of the walk. Phoebe and I walk for about an hour. But as I drifted in and out of the different ways of seeing, I began to calm, and laugh at the way my Energizer Bunny mind wrapped itself in knots trying to get my attention.

Everything about me turned beautiful...
And then I opened to the eyes of my soul. And everything about me turned beautiful. The gray sky was a searingly spectacular as the blue sky. The bare branches held as much grandeur as the multi colored leaves. The wind brought autumn, its sights and smells, whirling about me like a magic carpet of color. My sight truly changed and felt happy. Happy on the walk. Happy being with Phoebe, who of course, only sees through the eyes of the soul. Happy being.
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