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24 January 2009
Running with Beauty: A Grand Aventure

Running with Beauty: A Grand Aventure

"I hide myself inside myself and then I try to find myself..."
When I was a little girl, I loved this rhyme that my mother taught us: "I hide myself inside myself and then I try to find myself..." There were more words, but these are the ones that have remained with me all my life. I loved the idea of hiding myself inside myself. I remember giggling and giggling as the giddy ballerina in me turned round and round in circles singing this to myself...

Running with Beauty: A Grand AventureLately, the rhyme has been coming back to me with an understanding that became quite visceral the other day. I was walking my dog on a beautiful trail and paused on a bridge overlooking the reservoir. The sky was a brilliant blue. The branches of the bare trees held the stark beauty of winter; it seemed to me that the branches were reaching skyward in prayer.
01 January 2009
Mother’s and Daughters… a Mother’s Passing

Mother’s and Daughters… a Mother’s Passing


Mothers and Daughters... A Mother's Passing
Me, My Mother and My Daughter, Natasha
I can't go, I told myself. I can't face this...
My mother died in early December. She was 91 years old, living in a nursing home and slipping rapidly into dementia. On a late Wednesday afternoon, she was taken to the hospital with an infection that had came on quite suddenly. The doctors felt that without intervention, which she had made clear she did not want, she would die. Still, when I got the call, my first inclination was, I can't go to the hospital. Not tonight. Long Island is too far away and I am exhausted. I was exhausted. It all brought up too much "stuff" around my mother and our very difficult relationship.

Changing my mind....
I told my sister, I would come in the morning. My sister accepted my decision, but I knew she needed me. I heard it in her voice. I called her back and said I was coming. My husband offered to drive me to the hospital, but I insisted it would be better for him to stay home with the dogs... so we didn't have to worry about them. And I knew this was a time for me, my sister and my mother...
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